The List

Published in Warrior Women with Angel Wings ~ Gleaning the Positive from the Negative
By Mija Cameto

It became a game. Any time one of our fellow college dorm students would complain about their body, my friends would listen to their story, and then invite me in as their "contestant." With smiles and smirks on their faces they had me recount my list of injuries and illnesses. I was deemed “the winner” 99% of the time.

I was always aware that it could be much worse. I broke my back, but I wasn't paralyzed. When I was 14 years old I fractured two vertebrae between my shoulder blades in a horse riding accident, as well as five more spinal injuries and conditions over the years, one each in my neck, upper, mid, and lower back, sacrum and tailbone. I experienced years of chronic pain and occasional dysfunction, but not paralysis.

I get migraine headaches, but only for a day, not two or three days like some people. As an elementary school child I lost vision and then consciousness in my bathroom and was diagnosed with migraines after ultrasound and electrical heart tests. They became nauseous, pounding, and debilitating, but only for a day at a time.

I’ve had many concussions, but I recovered each time. The most severe included 20 stitches, a four inch scar, loss of bone from my skull, and memory loss over weeks that resulted in missing a quarter of college, but I recovered.

One day when I was 15 years old I started getting bruises and small red blood vessel bursts under the skin on my legs. My bone marrow had stopped making platelets so my blood couldn’t clot, called ITP - Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura. It can become a lifelong risk or lead to death, so I was hospitalized, treated with several different drugs, and was able to regain and keep up platelet counts.

My jaws grew irregularly in childhood, causing me to have trouble eating, talking, and extreme adolescent self-consciousness. Dentists, surgeons, and orthodontists worked together for ten years to prepare for and complete surgical reconstruction of my jaws. Now I can eat, talk, and feel closer to normal.

I have Multiple Sclerosis, but I'm relatively mild compared to some. I was diagnosed at age 21 after having symptoms on and off since 16 years old. On bad days I could not walk more than a block, or feel from my chest down. Sometimes I could not control my bladder, or remember what I was talking about mid-sentence. I could not get too hot because then I was barely conscious or functioning. I was terrified of what might happen in the future with disability, dependency, or death. But I was considered relatively mild compared to some with MS.

Yes, these things have all happened, but each could be much worse. I’m so lucky!

After college things continued to pile onto the list. As a young graphic designer at a corporate design firm, I was told I had Basement Membrane Dystrophy after my eyes became painful, watering, and completely shut after prolonged eyestrain, rendering me unable to work, walk, or drive. If the ointment didn’t work they offered to scrape the cells off my cornea, hoping they grow back correctly. I learned to take regular, preventative breaks from the computer.

After intense, prolonged, interpersonal work stress I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I kept large plastic bags in my car at all times and had lost count of the times I couldn’t make it to a toilet in time. I was sent to an eight-week mind-body workshop through the hospital, and became a self-employed graphic designer. I learned to prevent accidents by taking probiotics and distilled aloe vera, and stopped eating certain foods.

At some point I recognized I had Trichotillomania since I was a teenager, pulling out hair from my head and legs, partly unaware of doing it until repetitive strain pain would get my attention, or embarrassing baldness patches would show up in flash photos. I found a support website and became aware that other people suffer from this condition of self-soothing/self-sabotage, and I was relatively mild compared to some that couldn’t stop themselves until their hair was mostly or all gone.

There were many more injuries and conditions, but you get the picture...

My insistence on appreciating all the things I could still do or learn from was my survival mantra for many years. Until, at 29 years old, I was started on a drug designed to “keep MS from getting worse.” It was new, and it wasn’t understood yet that some patients experience the side effect of “suicidal ideation.” For me this was an overwhelming feeling of such discomfort and angst that all I could imagine at times was exploding into a million pieces, wishing I could no longer exist.

I was referred to a psychiatrist who prescribed Prozac to counteract this side effect. He described it as putting air in bike tires. I will still have to pedal, but it won’t be nearly as difficult. I did feel relief at first, but after a couple months it seemed to be losing effect. I had learned through watching a friend that it could be a long road of changing dosage, trying new types, and dealing with strange side effects. I decided to wean myself off both the MS drug and the anti-depressant. At some point during this time, scraping along a very dark, rock bottom place, a voice inside me screamed, “HELP!!!!!!!!”

Since that time, my life has been a series of one guided event after another. It started with reading a book, that led me to a certain website, then being compelled to look up a certain word, which surprisingly said to be helpful for MS. Out of desperation I made an appointment for energy healing, even though my limited, analytical, skeptical brain couldn’t comprehend it yet. My first glimpse of what felt like "a sense of greater well-being" was incredible. I continued weekly and the feeling grew. My own abilities to feel energy developed and the healing path has never ended. I have experienced numerous styles of healing, inside and out. My life seems increasingly interwoven with pure magic since then. Some days more than others, but truly miraculous.

Sixteen years later I can say that as long as I continue daily and weekly with healthy things I’ve learned about myself along the way, I actually have no pain or physical issues on a day-to-day basis. Occasionally, with certain stressors, some will gently (or strongly!) nudge me to remind me to tune in, feel my feelings, see a new perception of my experience, and enjoy the magnificent, infinite being I truly am. That we and this life truly are, on accessible, parallel healing dimensions just beyond the pain and fear. Even in times of extreme stress, my health becomes number one priority, and everything else must fall into order behind it. Sometimes this has meant meditating to the point of checking out, “leaving my body,” and letting healing completely take over. Sometimes it means improving regular habits. Sometimes it means new, extremely strong, healthy boundaries. I believe physical challenges are healing opportunities. Greater and greater trust has been required. My careers have even changed to match my journey. I'm able to relate especially well with many different circumstances, supporting in my own special ways. My magical, synchronistic life is worth every struggle I experience. This is how I have gleaned the positive from the negative.



ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Mija Cameto was raised fourth generation immersed in western surgical medicine, with innate talents for and deeply passionate about the human body since childhood through science, mathematics, anatomy, physiology, artistic expression, movement, bodywork, meditation, and consciousness. After decades of personal illnesses, conditions, and injuries in every system and location of her body, her teaching and consulting work are the culmination of living a synchronistic and guided path further into wellness than she could have ever imagined. It is an honor and a gift to assist others to find their own path.

Published April 2019. Click here to see book on Amazon.